As the year comes to the end, we look back and smile while thinking of the things that have happened in the year. I used to be the person that would feel a sense of regret at the decisions I made throughout the year. But the people around me taught me to live life with no regrets, and that whatever the outcome may be, embrace it and accept it.
The year 2018 has been a rollercoaster ride, as with every other year.
So first things first, my sister and I were never really close, but I am glad we got closer this year. She likes to tell everyone that we got closer after we both broke up, which is kinda true. But I like to think that we learnt to appreciate one another better as we grew older. She has always supported me, sometimes even without me knowing. She helped me through the sh*tty times when I felt so alone, and I know you would be reading this, so thank you for giving me life advices and for being my partner in crime.
One thing I had to learn was to be independent again. I’m not saying that I become entirely dependent on a significant other when I’m attached, but it becomes different when you just have yourself. I’m the kind of person that does not like to bother others with my issues. But when you have a partner, it just feels easier to want to share your problems with them. So now, I am still learning to be that independent girl, and that also it is okay to lean on the people close to you sometimes.
I never did understand it when my sister told me to prioritise my time to people that matter, but I am learning to. I start to realise the people that I prioritise don’t always treat me the same. Some do not appreciate the effort in making time for them and it comes off as me not doing enough. People who matter would not feel that way, people who matter would understand. I mean there is always a balance, ‘give and take’. You can’t take their understanding and friendship for granted. And I am still trying to find the balance in that.
Confidence is something I have always struggled with. I realised that looking better by dressing up, putting on a little makeup and changing my hair helped make me feel a little bit better about myself. But what I needed was self confidence of the ‘bare me’. I need to start learning to embrace my flaws and strengths. Not everybody is perfect, and different flaws exist in everyone. But when you try to hide them, all the more it would come back to haunt you again. So, why not embrace them? Flaws do not make you any weaker, it just makes you human. Accepting a compliment at something I’m good at is foreign to me, haha. I am that person that would rarely graciously accept a compliment but instead reject that idea. I need to start believing that I am actually good at certain things.
Most importantly, I need to start loving myself. When I look in the mirror, I start picking on the small things that I dislike about myself and what I can change. I don’t know why we do this to ourself. But I guess with how the media portrays beauty, it influences the society’s mindset on what beauty actually is. We are always trying to be the better version of ourself, trying to improve on our personality, our appearance. But when would we be happy with who we are and when do we draw the line with being our true-self and pretending to be someone we are not? I am trying to be happy with being me, Wei Xuan.
To end off, a friend of mine told me this when I told him that he should start thinking for himself and not always for others. His reply made me question what people have been telling me, “if everyone started thinking for others, wouldn’t the world be a much better place“. The world is already filled with so many selfish people, who constantly think for themselves and do things at the expense of others. If we start thinking about how our actions could affect others, wouldn’t the world be more peaceful. I mean, there is a blur line as to the situations that could fit into this. But, I think there is some truth in that…
I am sad that the year is already ending, but I am also happy and thankful of the memories created and lessons learnt. Thank you to those who stood by me when I was at my lowest, you were the ones who really helped me come up stronger. I am still learning, so I am sorry to the loved ones I may have neglected along my pathway in trying to be a better version of myself. 2018 has been a great year, I survived! Honestly I ain’t ready for 2019 just yet, but here goes nothing.
weixuanc 